


Stockholm

by bricksandbones



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:06:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 95
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4286589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bricksandbones/pseuds/bricksandbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>May be triggering if you've suffered from depression and/or suicidal thoughts - please be careful.</p><p>'Storyline' is a series of abstractions. This is deeply personal.</p><p>I read (on his Wikipedia page) that Hunter S. Thompson once said he would feel trapped if he didn't know that suicide was an option at any moment. This was the first time someone had articulated a sentiment that I've carried with me for as long as I can remember. It was like coming upon the phrase 'Memento Mori' in a Series of Unfortunate Events and wondering what that's about because of course I know I'm going to die, why else would I put up with this? </p><p>In a way, I'm trying to articulate that paradox. I think the ending of this piece is hopeful - cheering in a dark, cynical, 'all will be right when we're ten feet under' sort of way. That's how I think of it. Life can throw me for as many loops as it wants - but one day, if only for that moment before I go out, I'm going to win. And victory will be all the sweeter for how long I've played the game. I can't shut my eyes to that option, that gaping door, but I can give myself incentive to hold out (even if it makes no sense! tsk). In a way it's another elaborate form of self-deception.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Stockholm

**Author's Note:**

> May be triggering if you've suffered from depression and/or suicidal thoughts - please be careful.
> 
> 'Storyline' is a series of abstractions. This is deeply personal.
> 
> I read (on his Wikipedia page) that Hunter S. Thompson once said he would feel trapped if he didn't know that suicide was an option at any moment. This was the first time someone had articulated a sentiment that I've carried with me for as long as I can remember. It was like coming upon the phrase 'Memento Mori' in a Series of Unfortunate Events and wondering what that's about because of course I know I'm going to die, why else would I put up with this? 
> 
> In a way, I'm trying to articulate that paradox. I think the ending of this piece is hopeful - cheering in a dark, cynical, 'all will be right when we're ten feet under' sort of way. That's how I think of it. Life can throw me for as many loops as it wants - but one day, if only for that moment before I go out, I'm going to win. And victory will be all the sweeter for how long I've played the game. I can't shut my eyes to that option, that gaping door, but I can give myself incentive to hold out (even if it makes no sense! tsk). In a way it's another elaborate form of self-deception.

Sometimes at night I think of Stockholm;

People trapped for so long they persist,

unseeing,

in their stinking prisons of flesh 

and blood; bricks and bone.

 

Meanwhile the escape stands,

wide open and unguarded,

veiled only by the wreathes of lies we tell ourselves.

 

The secret is that the stream of your life-blood 

is a tributary of the River Styx,

(it was always flowing one way) 

and

its waters render you 

invulnerable

if you but embrace the gift:

 

The dying man is king. (And so are we all,

one drop at a time,

but surely.)


End file.
